Working With Others Is Difficult – Get To Know People To Value Them
Working With Others Is Difficult – Get To Know People To Value Them
Working With Others Is Difficult – Get To Know People To Value Them
Working With Others Is Difficult – Get To Know People To Value Them
Working with others is not easy, and working with some people can seem almost impossible. While working with others can be difficult, the truth is there is no work without people. Work was designed by God to benefit all people, and, at work, caring for others should always start with caring for your coworkers — bosses, peers, etc. — and employees.
Working with others is hard. A fellow executive and friend of mine used to say, “Work would be easy and this job would be great, if we did not have to work with people all day.” Of course, he was kidding, but he was saying something we have all thought at times.
Working with others is not easy and working with some people can seem almost impossible. We have all had difficulty working with overly competitive people, a hard or greedy boss, an unmotivated, undisciplined, or indecisive teammate, someone who is selfish, or someone who is just in the wrong job.
Throughout the major phases of my career, I have almost always had someone that made my work difficult — a chief antagonist against the work I was trying to accomplish. This person was often a fellow executive or leader who had a very different view of the world and the business than I did.
No matter how good my ideas and strategies were, or how pure (or impure) I thought my motives were, this person would challenge the work of our company, team, and me. They would often question my motives and my actions — even my value to the organization.
As much as I disliked it, the person almost always made me better, and I began to believe God gave them to me as a gift to make me a better leader. Which was at least partly true, but my view of my challenger was still too self focused.
You see, I used to think I had to win the battle against another person to pursue good. Then I started to consider whether they were there for something more than just to make me and the organization better — whether they were there for me to love and care for them. Slowly, I started to realize they were human too, and my job was to seek what was best for them while I sought to do my best for the company and our clients.
Lies and Disordered Desires Cause Us To Use People
We often get tricked into believing lies about work, about ourselves, and about others. Here are some of the biggest lies we are tempted to believe:
- Work is about getting things done
- Work is about getting what we want
- Other people don’t value us enough
- Other people are not as smart as we are
- Other people just don’t understand
- Only I / We know more of what is right
In his book, Live No Lies, John Mark Comer demonstrates how this spiritual battle infiltrates our everyday lives. Comer’s working theory is this: As followers of Jesus, we are at war with the world, the flesh, and the devil. The forces that work against us often use the following pattern:
History tells us that James, the brother of Jesus, did not believe in the work his brother was doing until after he rose from the dead. So, James knew a lot about working against good work. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, James wrote about our disordered desires.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have it because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." – James 4:1-3
Comer explains that our flesh reorders our desires into the wrong things, the world confirms these desires, and this causes us to seek what we desire most instead of caring for others.
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” – Galatians 5:17
Work is About Loving Your Neighbor
The truth is there is no work without people. Work was designed by God to benefit all people. All people are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and our responsibility in life and work is to care for others. At work, caring for others should always start with caring for your coworkers — bosses, peers, etc. — and employees.
The antidote to lies and disordered desires is the truth of God's word. One of the quickest and simplest summaries of God’s word appears in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Galatians.
“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” – Galatians 5:14-15
If our work is really about loving our neighbors as ourselves, we need a deep understanding of what it means to love our neighbors. Comer gives an excellent definition of what it means to love a neighbor in Live No Lies.
Loving Your Neighbor Means:
“A compassionate commitment to delight in the soul of another and to will that person's good ahead of your own, no matter the cost to yourself.
Love is the desire not to take but to give. It's the settled intention of the heart to promote good in the life of another. To see the beauty inherent in another soul and help them come to see it as well.
Notice: if to love is to will the good [of another], this means that to love people you need knowledge of reality — to know what is really good for them.”
This definition is consistent with God's word and helps us see that work is not only about loving our coworkers, but is also about knowing the needs of our coworkers so we can love them.
So, how do we love people at work?
People Are Made Be Valued
The most advanced research by Gallop, Gartner, Harvard, and McKinsey all agree that what people want at work more than anything else is to be valued. They want to be valued by their bosses, their organizations, and their coworkers.
McKinsey research makes clear the top three factors that drive retention in the workplace are based on value and a sense of belonging.
Gartner points out, “A sense of personal value is key” in a recent article titled, Employees Seek Personal Value and Purpose at Work. Be Prepared to Deliver.
Gartner provides the following summary:
“People are continuing to ask themselves questions, such as:
- What makes me happy and whole?
- What truly satisfies me?
- Where have I given away too much of myself for little return?
The last three years were a catalyst to elevate personal purpose and values. Unfortunately, while 82% of employees say it’s important for their organization to see them as a person, not just an employee, only 45% of employees believe their organization actually sees them this way. This translates into soul searching over whether one feels valued in their work or whether they are merely creating outcomes and value to benefit others. Dissatisfaction with the answers increases employees’ intent to leave a job.”
Valuing Coworkers = Loving Coworkers
To love our coworkers means valuing the work they do and connecting them with valuable work.
Here are 7 ways to better love our coworkers by valuing them:
- Align Their Gifts To Their Work – we look for talents, experience, and gifts in an interview, but the key to value is to keep recognizing their gifts and putting the teammate in as many scenarios as possible to use their gifts and succeed. See Working Genius for more
- Demonstrate Interest In Them – take time to understand their background, their “why” at work, and what they enjoy outside of work. Your time is your biggest gift to them. This is true for bosses, peers, and direct reports.
- Invest In Them – when we provide access to information, training resources, and connections to others in order to help them grow. This investment is good for the employee and the organization.
- Set Clear Expectations – let them know exactly what they need to succeed. Give them a “definition of done” for assignments, projects, and for the people and divisions they lead. Results don’t have to be ultimatums, but it helps to define what was believed to be possible even as factors change.
- Reward Them – let them know when they exceed expectations. This can be a cash bonus, but recognizing them in front of others is even more important because it shows you value them enough to make them an example.
- Be Transparent – let them know what is going on with the organization. When facts about difficult situations are held back, employees often believe something worse than the truth. Be transparent about their performance too. A fair but critical review can be the launch pad of understanding and better performance.
- Continually Ask For Their Ideas And Feedback – work is a bunch of multidirectional relationships, but their relationship with you is dependent on you listening to them and hearing their ideas about how the work (process, product, communication, etc,) and your work relationship can improve. Of course, when their ideas are worth implementing, true value will be exchanged.
Most importantly, let your coworkers know you care more about them as people, as children of God, than you care about their work results. When you demonstrate that you know that they — like you — are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26), they will certainly want to know more about you too.
They may even want to know why you demonstrate such love and hope for them and your other coworkers. This can be the beginning of deep valuable conversations about Jesus — the One who gives value to all people.
Resources
McKinsey: Winning Back Your Workers
Gartner: Employees Seek Personal Value and Purpose at Work. Be Prepared to Deliver
Working with others is hard. A fellow executive and friend of mine used to say, “Work would be easy and this job would be great, if we did not have to work with people all day.” Of course, he was kidding, but he was saying something we have all thought at times.
Working with others is not easy and working with some people can seem almost impossible. We have all had difficulty working with overly competitive people, a hard or greedy boss, an unmotivated, undisciplined, or indecisive teammate, someone who is selfish, or someone who is just in the wrong job.
Throughout the major phases of my career, I have almost always had someone that made my work difficult — a chief antagonist against the work I was trying to accomplish. This person was often a fellow executive or leader who had a very different view of the world and the business than I did.
No matter how good my ideas and strategies were, or how pure (or impure) I thought my motives were, this person would challenge the work of our company, team, and me. They would often question my motives and my actions — even my value to the organization.
As much as I disliked it, the person almost always made me better, and I began to believe God gave them to me as a gift to make me a better leader. Which was at least partly true, but my view of my challenger was still too self focused.
You see, I used to think I had to win the battle against another person to pursue good. Then I started to consider whether they were there for something more than just to make me and the organization better — whether they were there for me to love and care for them. Slowly, I started to realize they were human too, and my job was to seek what was best for them while I sought to do my best for the company and our clients.
Lies and Disordered Desires Cause Us To Use People
We often get tricked into believing lies about work, about ourselves, and about others. Here are some of the biggest lies we are tempted to believe:
- Work is about getting things done
- Work is about getting what we want
- Other people don’t value us enough
- Other people are not as smart as we are
- Other people just don’t understand
- Only I / We know more of what is right
In his book, Live No Lies, John Mark Comer demonstrates how this spiritual battle infiltrates our everyday lives. Comer’s working theory is this: As followers of Jesus, we are at war with the world, the flesh, and the devil. The forces that work against us often use the following pattern:
History tells us that James, the brother of Jesus, did not believe in the work his brother was doing until after he rose from the dead. So, James knew a lot about working against good work. Inspired by the Holy Spirit, James wrote about our disordered desires.
“What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don't they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill. You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight. You do not have it because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." – James 4:1-3
Comer explains that our flesh reorders our desires into the wrong things, the world confirms these desires, and this causes us to seek what we desire most instead of caring for others.
“For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever you want.” – Galatians 5:17
Work is About Loving Your Neighbor
The truth is there is no work without people. Work was designed by God to benefit all people. All people are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26) and our responsibility in life and work is to care for others. At work, caring for others should always start with caring for your coworkers — bosses, peers, etc. — and employees.
The antidote to lies and disordered desires is the truth of God's word. One of the quickest and simplest summaries of God’s word appears in the Apostle Paul’s letter to the Galatians.
“For the entire law is fulfilled in keeping this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you bite and devour each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other.” – Galatians 5:14-15
If our work is really about loving our neighbors as ourselves, we need a deep understanding of what it means to love our neighbors. Comer gives an excellent definition of what it means to love a neighbor in Live No Lies.
Loving Your Neighbor Means:
“A compassionate commitment to delight in the soul of another and to will that person's good ahead of your own, no matter the cost to yourself.
Love is the desire not to take but to give. It's the settled intention of the heart to promote good in the life of another. To see the beauty inherent in another soul and help them come to see it as well.
Notice: if to love is to will the good [of another], this means that to love people you need knowledge of reality — to know what is really good for them.”
This definition is consistent with God's word and helps us see that work is not only about loving our coworkers, but is also about knowing the needs of our coworkers so we can love them.
So, how do we love people at work?
People Are Made Be Valued
The most advanced research by Gallop, Gartner, Harvard, and McKinsey all agree that what people want at work more than anything else is to be valued. They want to be valued by their bosses, their organizations, and their coworkers.
McKinsey research makes clear the top three factors that drive retention in the workplace are based on value and a sense of belonging.
Gartner points out, “A sense of personal value is key” in a recent article titled, Employees Seek Personal Value and Purpose at Work. Be Prepared to Deliver.
Gartner provides the following summary:
“People are continuing to ask themselves questions, such as:
- What makes me happy and whole?
- What truly satisfies me?
- Where have I given away too much of myself for little return?
The last three years were a catalyst to elevate personal purpose and values. Unfortunately, while 82% of employees say it’s important for their organization to see them as a person, not just an employee, only 45% of employees believe their organization actually sees them this way. This translates into soul searching over whether one feels valued in their work or whether they are merely creating outcomes and value to benefit others. Dissatisfaction with the answers increases employees’ intent to leave a job.”
Valuing Coworkers = Loving Coworkers
To love our coworkers means valuing the work they do and connecting them with valuable work.
Here are 7 ways to better love our coworkers by valuing them:
- Align Their Gifts To Their Work – we look for talents, experience, and gifts in an interview, but the key to value is to keep recognizing their gifts and putting the teammate in as many scenarios as possible to use their gifts and succeed. See Working Genius for more
- Demonstrate Interest In Them – take time to understand their background, their “why” at work, and what they enjoy outside of work. Your time is your biggest gift to them. This is true for bosses, peers, and direct reports.
- Invest In Them – when we provide access to information, training resources, and connections to others in order to help them grow. This investment is good for the employee and the organization.
- Set Clear Expectations – let them know exactly what they need to succeed. Give them a “definition of done” for assignments, projects, and for the people and divisions they lead. Results don’t have to be ultimatums, but it helps to define what was believed to be possible even as factors change.
- Reward Them – let them know when they exceed expectations. This can be a cash bonus, but recognizing them in front of others is even more important because it shows you value them enough to make them an example.
- Be Transparent – let them know what is going on with the organization. When facts about difficult situations are held back, employees often believe something worse than the truth. Be transparent about their performance too. A fair but critical review can be the launch pad of understanding and better performance.
- Continually Ask For Their Ideas And Feedback – work is a bunch of multidirectional relationships, but their relationship with you is dependent on you listening to them and hearing their ideas about how the work (process, product, communication, etc,) and your work relationship can improve. Of course, when their ideas are worth implementing, true value will be exchanged.
Most importantly, let your coworkers know you care more about them as people, as children of God, than you care about their work results. When you demonstrate that you know that they — like you — are made in the image of God (Genesis 1:26), they will certainly want to know more about you too.
They may even want to know why you demonstrate such love and hope for them and your other coworkers. This can be the beginning of deep valuable conversations about Jesus — the One who gives value to all people.
Resources
McKinsey: Winning Back Your Workers
Gartner: Employees Seek Personal Value and Purpose at Work. Be Prepared to Deliver